Headlines have recently reported the tragic consequences of bullying. While this is not new behavior, it is on the rise due to the sense of anonymity stalkers have when using electronic devices to harass. Let’s clarify a definition of bullying. Any one of three main conditions is present in a bullying situation: harm, unfair matching (either in age/size or in number, ie 3 children against one), and repetition. Examples of bullying including:
- hurt someone physically
- Stealing or damaging someone else’s things
- hang out with someone
- teasing in a hurtful way
- Using put-downs, such as insulting someone’s race, weight, intelligence, appearance, or making fun of someone for being a boy or a girl.
- Touching or showing private body parts
- Spread rumors about someone.
- Sending text messages with rumors or lies
- Posting rumors or lies on social networking websites.
- Excluding someone on purpose or trying to get other children to exclude someone
Our schools spend a great deal of time bullying-proof curriculum, seriously addressing situations as they come to the attention of staff and the consequences of bullying. It is important that all adults have a similar message about bullying behavior.
So what can you do as a parent? First, it’s important to understand that even good kids and teens are capable of bullying. It’s not about saying “teenagers will stay teenagers” when they are causing serious harm to someone else. We have seen the consequences of bullying. bullying is also harmful to the bully! A landmark study showed that 60% of children who were bullies in grades 6-9 were convicted of at least one crime as adults and nearly 40% of them had three or more convictions by age 24!
Here are some things you can do to reduce your teen’s chances of becoming a bully:
- Talk to your teens about empathy and be a living example of empathetic behavior. If your teen makes mean comments, use them as a teaching moment.
- Arrange for your teen to volunteer and do community service as a way to build their empathic “muscles.” They can volunteer at: Food Banks, Animal Humane Associations, Local Hospitals, reading to residents in Nursing Homes or Assisted Living, Special Olympics, etc.
- If you give your teen a cell phone, DO NOT enable text messaging, and if it still exists, get a phone without a camera. (The camera is another problem. The students are sexting, which is considered a fourth degree felony, and distribution of child pornography.) Monitor your Facebook and My Space accounts.
- Believe and support school staff if they say your teen is bullying and follow some of the steps above.
- Pay attention to your parenting style. “Child aggression has been linked to authoritarian discipline, an approach that attempts to control children through fear and the threat of severe punishment (Espelage et al 2000). Bullies are more likely to have experienced child abuse or witnessed domestic violence (Bladry et al 2003; Bauer et al 2006). Bullies are more likely to have parents who believe that aggression is an acceptable way to solve problems.”
Copyright 2010, Iris Fanning, [http://www.irisfanning.com]. All rights reserved throughout the world. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all links active, do not edit the article in any way, and credit the author’s name.