There is a boy you think is attractive. You see it all the time at school, work, or maybe in your favorite coffee shop. When you know there’s a chance you’ll run into him, you find yourself spending a little more time perfecting your look that morning. It’s working because there’s no doubt that he notices. He is always watching, smiling or showing some kind of interest from afar. You echo his feelings by talking, smiling, and making eye contact, letting him know that it’s okay for him to come closer because you really ARE interested.
So why doesn’t he come talk to you? What does it take for this guy to make a real move?
What usually happens is that women start making excuses for him. “Well, maybe he’s just shy” or “Maybe I haven’t given him enough signals to let him know I’m interested.” We begin to hear the latest discussions on women’s liberation saying that women should be able to take the first step, cheer up and take matters into our own hands. Seriously, ladies, WRONG ANSWER! don’t do it Two reasons why you shouldn’t take the first step:
#1. You lose your power. For some reason, many women think that taking the first step puts us in a position of power. They think that waiting for a man to make the first move shows weakness or lack of control over the situation. When in reality, a woman who takes the first step is quite the opposite. By taking the first step, we take away man’s reason to persecute us and become the persecutor. Being the prize a man wins gives us all control! Why the hell are you doing the work of chasing the guy? Unlike women, men are natural hunters and now you are done with hunting. He will entertain you, but his interest in winning you over is non-existent, you have already created a perception of yourself with him that will label you as a mere ego boost or even “easy”. You take the thought that “anything worth having is worth working for” out of the equation. Free stuff often has less value and can be thrown away or thrown away without consideration. Once you start dating this guy, of course, you’d like him to see you as marriage material, but in most cases, you’ve created a real challenge for yourself in getting over that initial impression. I’m not saying you can’t get over it, but why do you have to?
#two. You’ll save yourself from potential anxieties and headaches that, frankly, we don’t need. Ladies, if you’ve smiled, waved, and given a guy every reason to believe he’s okay to approach and for some reason never does, it’s definitely unnerving. Naturally, we are curious to know why. But know this; It’s for a very good reason. DO NOT TAKE MATTER INTO YOUR OWN HANDS from him! Trust me, leave him alone. There is something wrong with this guy and he will either end up being an epic waste of your time or you could experience unnecessary turmoil that delays a healthy relationship that was meant to be. He sees you and IS interested, but his lack of focus, believe it or not, is his attempt to do whatever he can to “save” you from whatever pain in the ass he already knows will be yours. However, there is a limit to his ability to “save” you. He is tempted by you and if you make it too easy for him, you will break him. The moment you take matters into your own hands and approach him, there is a high probability that you will accept his offer. Trust me, he would rather have fun with you than deal with his demons. You become a distraction to his progress, a delay to his inevitable. He will forget about whatever it was that stopped him in the first place and will enjoy the ride with you. But the enjoyment will be short-lived, for both of them. Whatever the problem, it may not go away on its own for 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years later.
So what kind of problems are we talking about here?
He could be married or have a serious girlfriend, but he commits the “wandering eye” sin every time you walk into the room because his attraction to you makes him consider cheating on you. His conscience, however, doesn’t have the guts to take the plunge, so he just flirts a bit from afar.
He could be going through a difficult divorce or breakup, or for some other reason, he’s just devastated. He knows that emotionally he has nothing to offer you. You seem like the kind of woman he could develop a real relationship with, but he’s not ready and he knows it, so he’s chosen to admire you from afar.
I could be broke. He feels less of a man because when he sees you he imagines taking you to his favorite restaurant with an ocean view, but right now, he can barely afford the cup of coffee he’s drinking. His self-confidence skyrockets due to his financial problems. When a man is in this state you are not seeing him at his best and you may lose interest in someone who could be great for you once he recovers.
Whatever his “problem” is, give him a chance to fix it on his own. Some of these things can take some real time for a man. If you have prayed and asked God to bring you the man He has destined for you, this man will prepare himself to be worthy of you. When he does, he will get close to you and be a better man for it. Aside from cheaters, a lot of these guys are really good. Just the fact that he wanted to “save” you tells you that when he’s healthy, he could be a major contender. If you rush it, there will be a lot of unnecessary headaches because it will probably drag you into whatever situation it is. Give the man a chance to prepare for you.
Remember, what God wanted for you is for you. Go ahead, you’ll reach out when and if the time is right.