Hey, we all wake up some days “dealing with funk”… whether it’s self-imposed funk or accidental funk, we get the funk, and that funk feels… feels… a little… funky. ..
So, “what are we going to do about it?”
The funk is the funk…
Funk means heart attack. Yes, that’s right, heart attack. It is the real heart, the heart of love or the spiritual heart.
So when we have the funk, it’s a heart attack and if we ignore it, or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, we’ll escalate that funk into real problems.
Instead of getting out of the funk, we must surrender.
Funk doesn’t last. Funk maybe lasts a day, sometimes a week. In that week we need to mend the broken heart, and so we need to change some shit.
Let’s take a look… at what we have to do when we give in to funk…
1. Check for a physical funk heart attack.
Now, in Chinese medicine, all organs end up flowing into the heart. So even if your anus hurts, that has something to do with your heart. So when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now that we know we are having a heart attack on the physical side, we need to trace it back to the source.
That’s not tomato sauce, it’s the root, and it could be kidney, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (only if you’re female), and more. So the heart attack causes the funk, but the attack is coming from far away places.
I once had a heart attack that he bought into funk for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctors and they X-rayed my testicles until it glowed in the dark, but they still did more tests. One time they put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked, “did it hurt?” They should have worked at Guantánamo Bay.
Despite all that testing and the new Lamborghini the specialist got from all my bills, the fear didn’t go away. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shzzaaaam my whole body ached like I was giving birth to the Incredible Hulk…and I don’t have a vagina…so I was rushed to the hospital. and there was a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring in the earlobe of a Maasai warrior. I had been screwing up my kidney for six months and now I decided to make my way out into the world.
Sticking that stone up my urethra was like trying to suck a Biggest Loser contestant into a milkshake through a straw…or worse yet, trying to drink a thick McDonalds milkshake through a straw…
After a week on some pills that made the world look great, even my ex, then Sonic blew up that meteor-sized rock into little pieces that I was asked to collect in a colander every time I peed for the next few weeks. two weeks. . Well it wasn’t hard to know when to reach for the strainer, in fact my neighbors might have with the screaming and screaming I went through as bits of coral traveled up Freddie and out of my body…
Suffice it to say that, a few months later, there was no funk.
Funk is a heart attack and you already know that more than one day of funky a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… If you’re a 50+ guy, get your cholesterol checked, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, then ask a good doctor to send a finger where fingers usually don’t they do. apt to check your prostate… so if they don’t find something, look elsewhere, blood tests, etc.
My kidney stone could have been detected, but I backed off too quickly.
Once you’ve done an MRI on your body and your whole body, continue to step 2.
Step 2. Check Love Funk Heart Attack
Funk is also depression. Depression is a dirty word because it’s kind of a “stereotype”… “hey, he has depression” is similar to “he has the plague: stay away, wear a mask”.
So let’s call depression “Love Funk”
For women this funk is not common. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially those who hate men)…and there are a lot…but that’s another topic.
For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a love funk moment. Like a breakup or some bad news like “hey did you know your wife has been banging your neighbor?”… A lot of men aren’t in touch with their feelings so even though they experience the shock of the Love Funk incident , there is a delayed reaction like the aftershock of an earthquake that can take months or years to surface.
I remember breaking up with a partner long before I got enlightened…(just kidding)…it was a while ago anyway. I was hurt, but I didn’t even know it. I carried on like it was nothing and then I got the Funk… Love Funk… about 2 years later.
I went to the doctor and described my symptoms to him and he suggested that I need psychological counseling. (which is still true) but other than that he had Love Funk about a past relationship even though he was happy in the new one. It seems that he had not been so honest with himself and, as my father used to say, “toughen and be strong”. So here I was, with Love Funk.
I didn’t take the pills, I took some herbs… St. John’s wart… Which is the worst brand name for an antidepressant I’ve ever heard. Who is St John and why would his Warts be better than mine…Anyway, I took those things and then went to work with my attachments, hurts, guilt (there were a lot of them) and anger at all the old relationship. Shit, that’s a waste of time, but I had the Funk and there was no way I was going to live in the world of Love Funk for long.
Step 3. Check for a spiritual funk heart attack
Spiritual Funk has pinned me to the wall more times than I care to admit.
Spiritual funk means lost hope of some dream I had about the future.
When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I practiced every morning, every night, I slept with a footballer next to me, I had pictures on the walls and I loved playing football. Then in one game I jumped to reach for the stars to make a mark and landed on my twisted ankle. He tore the ligaments from the bone. In those days, they put a cast on everything, even snakebite, so all I ended up with was a ligament in my ankle that couldn’t tolerate rougher terrain than a bowling alley. I sprained that ankle over 100 times over the next several years, including in Nepal on treks in the Himalayas. It took me five years of yoga to become trustworthy again. Suffice it to say that my football career was over.
I got the Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor…he said, “You have depression,” but I was a hero, a funny, giggly guy. There is no depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero collapsed, so did I. I got the Spiritual Funk.
Years later, after my marriage blew up, and my three kids sailed around the world to, as my ex-wife put it, “get as far away from you as possible.” I got the Spiritual Funks again… This time I was so funky that I went to the top of a cliff to jump…didn’t want any more funk…didn’t jump, obviously.
A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot… people I know have spiritual funk… You can tell a person with spiritual funk because they feel too old to be around, they lack a sparkle in their eyes and they are obsessed with what other people think .
Spiritual Funk is bad funk… and to fix it we use four substitutes:
Food, alcohol and drugs… We can escape the Funk by throwing food at it, pouring liquor on it or transporting our brains away from it. Therefore, obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon disorders and more, can be directly related to Spiritual Funk… Lost dreams, lost hopes and attachment to the past
Greed… The poorest man I ever knew was the richest. A billionaire who lived in fear of losing him. Greed is not measured in asset wealth or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.
Sexuality… When all else fails, bonk. That is the mass consciousness that saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Much, much, most of the sex on the planet happens because there’s nothing better to do… and lucky for us, because otherwise we’d run out of people to buy iMacs. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts and more run Spiritual Funk for a major core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people light a match, it’s called sexuality. The light of a match in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway… It’s a great metaphor…
Spirituality… My friend is married to a boy. I’m sorry for him. She meditates 4 hours a day and thinks that something great happens as a result. But in reality, the spark is gone and the hiding place for her is just being legitimized, cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed, in no man’s land…
My friend is into Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. In the last five he’s been getting fat too so now spirituality isn’t blocking out the world enough he’s eating…OMG he eats enough to feed a third world country…And then he’s got a colon …as part of their spiritual cleansing… Both of their children have recently become teenagers, and are under clinical supervision due to depression…remember my quote from Jung… “nothing affects a child more than the unlived life of the father?
conclusion
Ok, so there are three sources of FUNK…all of which affect the heart.
There is the Physical Funk that comes from the body but ultimately attacks the heart. This is the first place we should look if we have The Funk because your body is Nature’s Bible… it’s telling you things and it’s worth listening to.
There’s Love Funk… Emotional things that have gone underground and are draining your energy… like pent up anger becoming depressive. Guilt, shame, blame, victim, anger, jealousy, are the triggers for Love Funk.
There is spiritual funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, desperate and makes people act, breathe, eat, sleep, fuck and pray in fanatical and weird ways. You can’t fight Spiritual Funk… if you have it, because some dream was shattered, then it’s time for you to reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself can have an impact, but this is not what nature intended, and it’s certainly not the path to FUNK FREE LIVING.
chris walker