Debunking some myths about trust
If I had more confidence I could do anything.
Confidence is not the most important factor in achievement. You also need competence, skills and knowledge.
If I had more confidence I would never feel insecure, apprehensive, despondent or full of doubts.
Those emotions come uninvited, but a confident person is not intimidated by them.
Some people just have it.
Confidence is developed by trying new things, solving problems, overcoming challenges, and seizing new opportunities. And don’t give up if the first few tries don’t work.
What undermines self-confidence?
In childhood, parents or people in authority may have ‘programmed’ you to have little faith in yourself and your abilities.
The media and especially social networks also have a destructive influence on trust. They impose standards of appearance and behavior that are impossible for many young people to achieve, sometimes with disastrous consequences.
Any form of abuse, for example, bullying at home, in romantic relationships, at school, or in the workplace, undermines its victims’ sense of identity to such an extent that they end up feeling completely worthless, incompetent, and helpless.
You may even reach a point of such self-doubt and self-criticism that you do their dirty work for them, believing that others are more capable, more interesting, more intelligent, etc. than you Your own internal dialogue, emotions and fears, actions and non-actions will keep you stuck in low self-confidence.
What strengthens self-confidence?
It involves overcoming the negative programming you were subjected to and perhaps a natural shyness. Understanding is great, but by itself it doesn’t change anything. Confidence is only developed and strengthened by going out and being brave. You need experiences of success or recovery from so-called failure. I might even adopt the saying, If you can’t do it, pretend. To develop genuine trust, use these general tips:
- Remember your values, positive qualities, your skills and experience. If you have difficulty seeing your positive qualities, find a true friend to help you. make lists. You will discover that there is more to you than you think.
- Choose an area of your life that is important to you but in which you lack confidence: career, health, finances, social life, personal growth, family, friends, recreation, society…
- Challenge yourself. Make a ‘fright ladder’ of activities and situations in that area. Write the most feared on top, the least feared as you go down. Start with those.
- Every day, do something that you have previously let go of and that takes you out of your comfort zone. Small steps. Plan your ‘confidence booster’ for the night, write it on a card and take it with you the next day to remind yourself. If you take it seriously and are consistent, your ability to overcome your fears and doubts will be strengthened.
- After a while, step it up. For example, if you lack the confidence to talk to strangers, plan a week to make contact with 3 (or 5) strangers each day. Gradually increase the difficulty: first maybe just smile at them, then say hello, then talk a bit (weather, traffic, you name it)… Then move on to the next project!
- At the end of a week, celebrate your bravery!
- A ‘buddy’ who is prepared to encourage you but also to hold you accountable can be of great help.
- Remember, only by challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone will you begin to strengthen your self-confidence.