Tell most people that you are looking forward to a lutefisk Christmas dinner, they will usually have a look of disgust. Pity of gold. Or “what is lutefisk?” First of all, let me tell you, I’m not on the pro-lutefisk train. Every Christmas I remember has subjected me to the foul stench.
Our Scandinavian heritage dictates that we serve this delicacy (I use this term only in honor of my dear mother). I’m not caught up in a fervent search for this revered tradition, but somehow it wouldn’t be Christmas without it.
For the uniformed, lutefisk is dried cod that is soaked in bleach (yes, the caustic POISON), then re-soaked in water to remove the aforementioned caustic POISON. I won’t bore you with a lutefisk history lesson, but that’s the description from Reader’s Digest. Being from Minnesota, it is certainly a familiar spot in the grocery stores and meat markets at Christmas, although I find that it has become less publicized and displayed than it had been when I was younger.
Perhaps this is just another case of how people’s memories and perceptions drift as we age. Or not. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the per capita consumption of lutefisk is declining rapidly as the geriatric market is depleting as our loved ones pass away. This isn’t meant to be harsh, but let’s face it: lutefisk isn’t on the cutting edge of culinary arts. At least I haven’t seen it as the secret ingredient in the Iron Chef.
So, the big day is here: Christmas. We celebrate the birth of our Savior and the expansion of our waistbands. Mom has been cooking and baking for weeks. Swedish meatballs, potatoes, gravy, lefse, herring, cookies, coffee bread, and all the other Nordic Christmas staples. And then there is the lutefisk. How is lutefisk cooked and eaten?
Well, we have tried a few methods, none of which are successful (if by success you mean an edible product). It is traditionally boiled, but you need to be careful because it tends to crumble into a liquefied mass of sticky substance. . Therefore, he wraps it in gauze. You now have an intact runny goo batter. We have baked it. A very sticky thing. Put it in the microwave. A very sticky thing. I think the preferred method lately has been the microwave. I’m not sure, I try to avoid this step.
They say if you cook it right, you don’t get the gel consistency we know and don’t love. I guess I’ve never seen it well cooked. Some people put a white cream sauce on it. We don’t, as it masks the viscous quality of the natural product.
There is a process that my brother has perfected. You have some lutefisk on your plate. Mash some boiled potatoes right next to it. Soak the whole mess in melted butter. It must be REAL BUTTER. Nothing fake to mask the residual taste of bleach. Then salt and pepper. Then you put some potato on your fork, then some fish. They say if you put melted butter on anything it will taste good, but personally I have not found this to be true.
When mom brings out the first plate of lutefisk, you can almost hear the ooo’s and aah’s around the table. The dish RAPIDLY passes through non-believers, patiently waiting for Swedish meatballs. As it passes from one person to another, the ever-present stench (I mean the smell) floats under our noses like a freight train.
Someone inevitably makes a comment about how well he’s doing this year. Of course, someone also yells “Where are the straws?” Ok, I am guilty. Usually it’s me. The list of jokes and comments goes on, until dinner is over and we are safe for another year.