Sandtray is the perfect intervention and expressive art modality to work with grief. Grief often involves remembering things from the past (sometimes the very recent past) and Sandtray provides a visual and kinaesthetic experience for clients as they create a scene that includes images and symbols of loss. Grievance is also about experiencing feelings in the present.
The kinesthetic quality of sandtray provides clients with a powerful nonverbal means of experiencing the grievance. The figures, the arena, the arrangement of the miniatures in a meaningful configuration, all allow customers to experience their feelings of grievance without saying a word. Additionally, the visual aspect of the sandbox provides a powerful external representation of the symbols that are meaningful to the customer. Whenever the customer chooses, they can look at the symbols and groups of symbols on the tray.
Clients experience polarities when experiencing deeper feelings, and feelings of loss are obviously among the deepest feelings clients experience. Therefore, as a sandbox therapist, you should expect a client to be reluctant to express feelings of hurt and loss, even though part of the client wants and needs to grieve over the loss. The polarity is the fear of letting go and feeling pain versus experiencing the feelings of loss. Simply knowing what to expect will save you some frustration when working with grieving clients.
denial of death
Growing up in this country as a Euro-American, I have witnessed the tendencies of people in my cultural background when it comes to death and loss. For years, I have been disturbed and concerned that many Euro-Americans, compared to people from other cultural backgrounds, tend to suffer less, deny death, and avoid the grieving process as much as possible. I have been to many funerals where people who had lost their spouses because they did not grieve were admired. They are admired for not suffering. After the funeral, I heard people say, “She held up just fine.” This phenomenon has always puzzled and disturbed me. Why are people admired for not suffering? Wouldn’t someone who really cared about the dead person feel pain? Why has my culture adopted attitudes towards death and dying that I consider false?
Hope can even be part of our denial of death. Have you known someone who has been hopeful for too long? When someone is near the end of a terminal illness, hope precludes the grievance process. I have met people who wanted their spouses to accept the reality of their death, but the spouses could not accept it. In these cases, hope is a hindrance. Some people hoping to do it with their eyes closed.
Years ago, I had a client whose wife died of cancer. the client began to tell me his story, it became clear that he had kept hope until the day his wife died. His wife had tried to talk to him about her death and her adult children had, too. I think she thought he was holding on to this hope for his wife, but it was clearly for him. He just couldn’t face her death.
Intrapsychic issues, cultural differences, and family-of-origin issues are other important factors that can affect the complaint process. Families have styles of dealing with feelings of grief/loss and other emotions. In some families, feelings are openly expressed, while in others they are repressed and not expressed. In other families, some family members express anger, while other family members express feelings such as fear or sadness. Cultural differences make a big difference in the complaint process. As I mentioned earlier, many Euro-Americans tend to cry less openly, while many African-Americans are much more open in expressing their feelings of hurt and loss.
coping
Clients dealing with the death of a loved one still have responsibilities in their lives that require their attention. Even if clients take bereavement leave, the leave will end long before the complaint process is complete. Therefore, it is important for clients who are grieving to find a balance between grieving and coping. In the early months of the complaint process, it is difficult to find this balance; the duel will be in the foreground to such an extent that coping is elusive. But as the months go by, it is possible to find a balance between the two, although it can be difficult. In my opinion, the role of the therapist is to support and encourage the grieving and coping process. Sandtray therapy provides the perfect climate for clients to explore and express feelings of loss and receive the support they need.