Maintaining good health is much more important and effective than treating an illness later on. Good health requires effort: regular exercise, a healthy lifestyle, wearing seat belts, not smoking, and not abusing alcohol and drugs; in other words, do the “good things” and avoid the “bad things.”
Similarly, raising healthy children is much more important and effective than correcting bad behavior later. It takes effort and commitment to nurture the “good stuff”: loving connections, empathy, getting their needs met. Unfortunately, most of the parenting books of the last two generations have focused on correcting bad behavior and solving problems.
Positive parents work to develop the “good stuff.” They build trust and competence; identify and nurture strengths and talents, maintain loving connections, and create fun, joy, and happiness. Bottom line: Positive parents teach, comfort, and play.
When moms and dads (and other caring adults) address their own personal development along with children’s development, everyone learns and grows. Caring adults can prevent isolation, fear, and anxiety, as well as antisocial, self-destructive, and violent behaviors.
Building a family is like building a house. You start with a vision and plans. So, you build a firm foundation. Step by step, you advance. If you miss any steps, there is recovery work to be done, which is more difficult than getting it “right” from the beginning. With parenting, we cannot turn back the clock. We must start right now, right where we are to do the right thing.
“The panorama”
Positive parenting begins with “the big picture.” Remember the optimistic vision you had when you raised your family. Write it. Embroider it and frame it, or just put it somewhere you’ll notice it every day. Parents who have shared their goals with me say they want their children to:
• “Be happy and balanced”,
• “succeed,”
• “be themselves while contributing to the world”,
• “be open and give back to the world”,
• “have a high self-esteem and self-esteem”,
• “Be healthy in body, mind and spirit”
• “love to learn”,
• “be respectful and caring”,
• “be able to express yourself”,
• “be respectful and affectionate with nature”, and most importantly:
“You don’t have to spend your adult life recovering from your childhood.”
Clarify your vision. It gives meaning and purpose to your life. It can guide everything that happens from day to day and sustain you in difficult moments. All those “little things” that contribute to the success of the “big picture” goal.
The early years of feeding, washing, dressing, driving and interacting with children present tremendous opportunities. Make the most of this time to ensure a positive life trajectory for your youth.
“When things go well from the start, they will tend to continue to go well and even self-correct if there are minor issues.
But when they go wrong in the beginning, they will tend to continue to go wrong.”
-Dr. Bruce Perry, author and renowned child psychiatrist
The process
How we raise our children is largely based on how we were raised, what comes “naturally.”
We have all been hurt and we want to make it better for our own children. We can stop the unintentional repetition of harmful patterns from one generation to the next by learning positive parenting.
“We raise our children so they don’t have to recover from their childhood.”
-Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting
Positive parenting invites us to examine our own parenting. It requires rewriting the old fear-based “script” we learned during our early years and developing a new love-based approach. This requires determination and patience. When we learn positive interaction tools and skills and develop a different style, we can heal our hearts and souls in the process.
Changing family patterns is heroic work! Those who suffered in childhood can still become wonderful parents for their children. They are renaissance moms and renaissance dads!
Positive parenting is a proactive and uplifting approach based on respect and responsibility. Use non-punitive discipline by teaching and holding children accountable with kindness and firmness. Uplifting and loving adults reinforce inner strength, resilience, self-esteem, and social and emotional well-being. They bring out the best in each other!
the reward
Here are some of the rewards you will reap from practicing positive parenting:
Affectionate, cooperative, trusting and resilient children.
Deeper connections based on trust and communication.
More satisfaction and fun in the good times, and support in the bad.
Pride and gratitude as children grow and flourish.
There is no better feeling than knowing that you have raised a healthy family that will always be connected at heart.