A few years ago, if you broke up with someone, you would remove their photos and do everything possible to avoid their calls. But today, social networks and digital technology have become the cornerstone of our reality. You probably have a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and IM, at the very least, all of which are linked to your ex. This creates a dangerous situation, as it’s extremely tempting to keep these accounts linked so that you can check them from time to time to see what your ex is up to.
These fast-moving communication methods also create a digital space where you and your ex can communicate without actually speaking. For example, you could enter a simple tweet or Facebook post like: “Just met an amazing person at the grocery store… WOW” or “Moving on with my life, leaving the past behind.”
These are very bad ideas.
Being passive-aggressive or talking to your ex through social media are pitfalls that you should avoid at all costs. Although it may feel good to post, and you may receive emotional support from other members of your network, it will almost always come back to bite you on the butt. As easily as you can post something, your ex can too. You are then faced with the nightmare of watching your ex’s new dating lifestyle become your reality.
The first thing you need to do is block, unfriend, and unfollow your ex on ALL social media platforms. This includes removing them from your IM list, as you don’t want them to be reminded every time they log in.
It is entirely possible that you have a network of shared or mutual friends on these social networks. The last thing you need right now is to see a posted photo of your ex taking a half-dressed body shot of a person. Eliminate them, eliminate them, get all the toxic material out of your sight, and eliminate any form of it that gets in your way.
The goal is not to go crazy and remove everyone from your accounts; this would only create additional drama. Also, you may want to keep some mutual friends for the future. Your best strategy is to create a social media blackout. Wait, before you go crazy on me; remember, this is only temporary and you can return in 30 days. Most, if not all, social media accounts allow you to temporarily cancel them. Essentially, what you are doing is disabling them. You can always come back and reactivate them at a later date.
Once you’ve removed your ex from all social media accounts and temporarily deactivated their accounts, you’ll need to clean up your phone. Pictures, text, and linked social media on your smartphone, including another silent trap that will catch you time and time again. Part of your social media cleanup is to unlink all social media accounts from reports to your phone. This will usually happen when you deactivate your accounts, but to reduce the temptation to reactivate them, remove all icons and accessibility.
Online dating has become a part of every person’s reality. Maybe you put your ex on an online dating site. Or maybe your goal is to get back on the market and re-enter the world of online dating. To date or not to date is a topic we’ll cover in a later chapter, but for now a word of caution: if you put your ex online, there’s a good chance that her paths will cross again. Except this time, the person cut out of the images is you! Or even worse, your profile may include the fact that you are looking for someone with completely opposite qualities from yours. This can be a very painful but involuntary digging, further irritating your already sensitive emotions. Therefore, be careful and tread lightly. In fact, I would recommend not going back into that area until you are sure you can handle any run-ins with your ex.
Next, we deal with digital photos. Remember that sexy bathroom mirror photo your ex sent you? Yes, that has to go. All digital images on your phone, as well as anywhere else you have quick access to, should be deleted. You don’t have to delete them; You can burn them to a disc or store them on a flash drive and bury them in the highest places in your garage. Better yet, give them to someone you trust to keep them.
The penultimate step in removing your ex’s fingerprint from your existence is to delete all old text saved in your history file. That old text where they declare how much they love you or how sexy you are is of no use to you. You have no need for that garbage. Just delete all history.
The final step is to remove your ex’s contact photo and change the name on your phone. This simple step is extremely powerful. When I was going through my breakup, I changed its name to read NEVER AGAIN. Every time she called or texted, she was reminded of the path she was on and that she needed to avoid returning to dysfunction at all costs. As time went on and I got past the first 30 days and had established new habits, I changed her name to EL DIABLO. Now every time she calls or texts I am reminded that being with her I was living in my own personal hell. These simple reminders set the tone and correct my thoughts. And as we learned earlier, our thoughts control our actions, habits, and ultimately our lifestyle.