Teens are a joy some days and other days they are monsters.
Raising ungrateful teens isn’t always what it seems. Teens are connected differently than anyone else. Sometimes they act like they’re two years old, stomping around, slamming doors, and just throwing a tantrum, and the next day they show up sweet and helpful. It is as confusing a time for them as it is for us parents. You never know who you are dealing with. You almost want to ask them if you are dealing with the two-year-old or the adolescent. If you are confused, imagine how they feel, they are overloaded with hormones.
That said, some teens are just plain ungrateful. How did that happen? They have a right mental attitude, that’s how they are connected. The difficult part of all of this is that as you try to raise full-fledged children that one day they may take responsibility for fighting against society. They are never told that something they have done is wrong. All they hear on TV, friends, and the media is how wrong parents are and how to escape responsibility. They are taught that everything should be fair and they should never be told no.
Parents are their children’s first teachers, so basically you participate in these creation monsters. Don’t feel bad, you’re just loving them and you want them to have what you didn’t have. So why do you seem surprised when they act ungrateful? It’s not just parents who please these kids, this country is so focused on “being friends” and not parents who learn early that they won’t say no, lose a sports game, or fail an exam.
Teens scream and yell and hit things just to get what they want and want it now! Most of the time they know that if they keep arguing with you they will wear you down and they know that they will eventually get what they want. They use what works and normally does. They know. It takes two to fight if you take yourself out of the equation, they have no one to fight. Say what you want to say and say what you say.
Parents tend to change their parenting as the adolescent grows older. They want to be their children’s best friend and that just doesn’t work. The fact that they are young adults shouldn’t stop you from being a parent – in fact, you should go into overdrive.
Teenagers seem to expect to have everything their friends have and have no real idea of what things cost.
Many parents find themselves in this situation. They are loving and well-meaning parents. It seems that if the parents had a hard time growing up, the parents would want the best and being their friend is not the best. Most of the time teenagers are excessive, therefore the monster has learned what works.
You can change some of these behaviors.
1. Stop the fight for power.
2. Stop rewarding them for inappropriate behaviors.
3. When you say no, you mean no. You cannot change your mind.
4. Stay calm and refuse to argue with them.
5. Your child has great qualities. Praise and reward them for appropriate behaviors.
6. Don’t try to buy her love, it doesn’t work.
Your job has changed since you were little. Now their job is to raise caring and responsible adults. Don’t take them out of everything they get into. You are not helping them. Let them try to solve their own problems, then if they need help guiding them to the correct answer, don’t do it for them.
Just remember that this will pass. You thought the terrible two were difficult. You haven’t seen anything yet. Take control now.